{"id":411,"date":"2017-12-12T12:59:17","date_gmt":"2017-12-12T17:59:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.targetedtangents.com\/mag\/?p=411"},"modified":"2018-03-11T20:00:40","modified_gmt":"2018-03-12T00:00:40","slug":"creeps-weve-known","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.targetedtangents.com\/mag\/2017\/12\/12\/creeps-weve-known\/","title":{"rendered":"Creeps, We\u2019ve All Known a Few"},"content":{"rendered":"

Almost every woman I know has been sexually harassed, most of us many, many times. And that begs the statistical question: Have almost all the men<\/em> I know sexually harassed someone?<\/p>\n

Just writing that sentence makes me uncomfortable. I\u2019m accusing my family, friends, and colleagues of assault, a crime. But from a numbers perspective, this can\u2019t be just a few men running around the country grabbing our lady parts.<\/p>\n

When I ran the idea by a guy friend, a man I\u2019ve adored and respected for years, I fully expected that he would mansplain away my logic. Instead, his response was: \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was one of the most hopeful things I\u2019ve heard in a long time because it was the beginning of a conversation rather than an argument.<\/p>\n

I want the men I know to be the good guys, not someone else’s creeps.<\/p>\n

But I have been sexually harassed by men I counted as friends and colleagues. Men I\u2019ve run projects with, who I\u2019m Facebook friends with, whose wives and children I know. It\u2019s happened often enough that I have a standard response for defusing the situation: \u201cYou know that line you\u2019re not supposed to cross it? It\u2019s back there.\u201d<\/p>\n

For years, I worked as an on-set costumer for films. Joking my way through sexual harassment, deflecting it, and ignoring was an unwritten part of the job description. Flirting and sexual innuendo went with the paycheck. It probably still does. And most of the time, it was in all good fun.<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s a big difference between joking around and assault. Assault is, according to Wex Legal Dictionary, \u201cIntentionally putting another person in reasonable apprehension of an imminent harmful or offensive contact.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a woman, whether we react with rage, humor, or diplomacy, unwelcome sexual conduct carries with it \u201creasonable apprehension of an imminent harmful or offensive contact.\u201d<\/p>\n

While at work, I have been exposed to more penises I can count: Dropped towels, strategically flapping robes, open bathroom doors, men who insisted on going commando, and ones who just took it <\/em>out. (Guys, in case you\u2019re still wondering: We don\u2019t want to see your penis. And if a woman laughs when you pull it out, she\u2019s not enjoying herself. She\u2019s scared.)<\/p>\n

Then there were the situations that still haunt me: The icon who routinely put his hands on me. The rising star who covered his trailer in porn so degrading and disgusting that I\u2019ll never be able to unsee it. The actor who unzipped his fly and offered me his penis in front of the entire<\/em> film crew.<\/p>\n

Yes, my experiences are rooted in the entertainment industry because that\u2019s where I\u2019ve spent most of my professional life. But lawyers, waitresses, ad executives, women: we\u2019ve all dealt with it, often, with a full audience. Degrading a woman in front of others seems to be part of fun. A way for some men to show off.<\/p>\n

And later, it\u2019s \u201clocker room talk.\u201d A story a guy tells an Access Hollywood host, bragging about forcibly kissing women, groping them, and grabbing their crotches.<\/p>\n

Even though this often happened out in the open, every single time, I was left to deal with the situation on my own- partly because I put on a Dorothy Parker tough girl mask, but mainly because it\u2019s more comfortable for everyone else to just ignore what\u2019s happening. Nobody stepped up and said, \u201cStop that!\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead, the responsibility for objecting to the harassment is dumped on the most vulnerable person in the room \u2013 the victim.<\/p>\n

And when you do speak up, most of the time you learn that nobody\u2019s got your back.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re told:<\/p>\n